Have you ever come across a douche-bag who only blabber about thyself, forcing you to hear how cool they and their life is, interrupting your talks after every single statement? Felt like you want to badly thrust their esophagus and choke them? Yes, such people are annoying. And what if you are like that to others.
So let’s take a mirror and watch ourselves and learn a thing or two.
Some tips to make you a good listener:
- Being Silent :
Let the other person vent out their emotions. Keep calm, try not to get frustrated, extend some good patience but listen wholeheartedly. Most scenarios people fanatically want someone to just hear what they have to say. You can as well nod in between or say something like “uh huh”, “I see”, signals that encourage further disclosure.
2. Do not turn into a psychology expert:
In this time and age, everyone has their own theories and stories to each and every scenario. Why he/she is grumpy all the time, why our cousin fell out of a relationship, why the neighbour aunt is losing weight to why the next door dog is barking. Argh, hold your horses!!! When someone is sharing their agony, melody, grief or joy, do not speculate about their motive or behaviour. Your conversation partner will feel patronised and angry at you.
3. Avoid unsolicited advice at all cost:
Resist the urge to give your cents on their situation by telling them you know exactly what they are going through. Because you don’t. Two people can go through the same experience, yet they can’t have the same emotions. If your conversation partner asks for your input, then go ahead. If they appear open to your advice or feedback then continue. If they frown, cross their arms and give an indication that your advice isn’t helpful, then either stop or ask them if they want you to continue.
4. Put your ego aside:
After recommending solutions or your opinions, it is not mandatory for the other person to follow. Don’t get offended when they do their own thing. Moreover, they may not be divulging the whole story, and they have to take other facts into account when drawing a plan of action.
5. Rephrase their words:
To assure them you have listened, rephrase what they said. Do not parrot, but try to put it in your words. Example, your friend said: “I have a hard time at school. Seniors bully me and I am feeling left alone.” You could rephrase it as “So, you feel like you have no friends right now?”
It reflects you have heard them and absorbed the situation they are expressing.
6. Check your assumptions:
We all view the world through the lens of our experiences. Do not project your feelings into someone else. Let them feel their feelings, don’t tell them how to feel. Accept every person’s differences and that lead to a good listening skill as well as a lasting bond.