It Happens Only in India

It Happens Only in India

India is a country like no other. The country that’s gigantic and crowded with 1.3 billion plus population. It’s crazy and sane, fast and slow, ferocious and tame, vile and pleasant, amusing and serious all at the same time. Its a country that savours in paradox. The country where mistakes are easily forgiven, where all are in rush and never on time, vacancies are treasure, abandonment rarely happens, family ties are exceptional, where 1652 languages co-exist and yet foreign language, English literate is considered eminent. India is not a India, its The India. 

In a crazy country like this crazy stuff prone to happen.  Let’s look at the ten grind that happens ONLY in India:

Popping Potholes:

Let’s describe Indian road in Oprah’s words “This feels like we’re in the middle of a video game, there’s so much going on, you don’t know where to look”. This is 120% right, on one side you can see kids with school bags hanging till their butt, on another end a group of people having tea by the stalls, on other corner people squatting around a pot and another side, girl with skinny jeans. But the main flavour is seemingly naive, a messy death trap, beautifully carved in the mid of the road, round and a bit shabby resulted by the fat-bellied road contractors greed i.e THE POTHOLES. Yes!! Indian road without potholes, are you kidding? 5km when covered without these beauties, one can really start to feel if he/she is teleported to the U.S.A.

Idolising Bollywood and Cricket :

What do Indian homemakers do during free time? Gossip. Besides that? Watch movies and serials (desi version of Netflix). And men and the boys? Cricket.

India and Bollywood and Cricket are almost synonymous. Bollywood in layman term is two and a half hours of sarson da saag and chak de phatte, European locales, dancing in the rain, train, behind the trees and music. Amitabh Bachchan, SRK and Salman Khan are treated nothing less than divine powers. The queue literally waiting day and night, in sun and rain, in front of these star homes to just get a glimpse of them, as if it’s going to cure their illness is overwhelming. And the superstars in their luxury abode under centralised AC care a rats ass to these commoners, who made them. Anyone acting in Bollywood, their wives, their kids, their uncles, aunts, grandparents, yet to born kids all are treated like celestial beings.

When it comes to cricket, it’s not a game but an emotion. Players are worshipped and the same Gods get abused if lost in match against a rival country, Pakistan. After all, it is not a sport but an emotion.

Engineering craze:engineering

There’s a viral joke if you throw a stone in the night, it either hits a dog or an engineer. India is saturated with engineering graduates, more than1.5 million engineers pass out every year and almost 60% pass like a zombie, unaware of what they did for 4 damn years. Every parent’s second-best dream (first, having a boy baby), is to get their kid admitted into an Engineering college at the cost of getting into a debt, taking mammoth loans and killing child’s dream. Engineering is the next over-rated thing in India after the Khans.

Hello America:

Okay, now you are an engineer, what next? Pack your bags to the USA. Try for a job or internship. The USA is the cream of all crops and one must not get deprived. Racism, sexism, classism, fascism, colourism, no matter what bloody ism, you can make it happen only there. Patience and virtue. Sundar Pichai can do, so you should do.

Regionalism:

Well if developed countries have such isms, India has one too i.e grossly regionalism. India is huge, south is different from north and east from west. South is partial to rice, north to parathas, east to momos and west to lentils. South is known for conservative outlook and north bit liberal. South loathe the infiltration of the north into their region, believing it can create haywire of culture mix-ups and similarly north has its own excuses.

Arrange Marriage:

Something that my non-Indian friends take a deep breath when I say mine was an arranged marriage. Yes, most Indians marry the one their parents choose after taking account of family history, groom/brides past history and getting the approval of their parents, late grandparents, uncles, aunts, neighbours BUT their own child that is getting married. Then the engagement happens and next, the big fat Indian wedding. Mine had a twist, my family did ask my approval, haha.

V Factor:

V factor is a big factor for a girl that’s getting married. As there’s a saying amongst the elders, a guy can fall into a dung pit, get up, wash and get pure again. But not the girls. In this age the trend is getting almost faded, most youths are a lot in hurry and end up swinging balls in the wrong court. Well, yes its still an ineluctable factor. No sex before marriage!!

Godman Bonanza:

If you want to meet, greet, talk, stroll, dine with God, kindly book your tickets to India. India is the land of yoga, Kamasutra, food, festivals and self-proclaimed God and Goddesses. They can turn rose to daisy, cow urine to elixir and LED light popping from between two eyes. They get followers in a jiffy because Indians believe in miracles. Foreign followers are still easy, the frustrated millionaires come in search of peace, get trapped and finally wrapped until their last bit of dollar oozes out.
Godmen are backed by politicians, ready to save their ample posterior in case if they land in trouble.

Neighbour comparison:

In India, neighbours are the SI unit of comparison. If Sharma ji gets 32 inch TV, then Varma ji must have 34″ TV. If Mr Gupta buys Honda City, then Mr Gokhle must snap a better one. If neighbour’s son is doing engineering, then even my son should. If  Mrs Kaur flaunts a yellow metal necklace, then Missayz Fadnavis has to taunt her husband till he manages to get some loan or crack his savings to get something better than that. This trend is rampant in middle-class and high-class alike.

Saving Jugaad:

Indians love saving and who doesn’t? Start from squeezing n rolling the toothpaste till its last drop, using stuff little late after its expiry, filling shampoo bottle with water to last a day or two more, oil is used multiple times for frying, sharing a bike ride with three kids, haggling with the vendors, asking for a discount even after seeing a board written fixed price, saving newspapers to sell it to a recycling vendor, passing on textbooks from one sibling to other, are few out of many jugaads (smart work) Indians take pride in.

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